How it happened

I never want to forget the day we found out we were getting a son!  I've taken far too long to write this down already.  So even though things are still ongoing and plans are still being made, emotions are still crazy and we've hardly had time to sort through them, I'm going to do the best I can to tell this amazing story.

On April 8, 2010, Mom and I were headed to Dallas for my cousin's wedding.  I had been looking forward to this trip for just under a  year, and crazy teenagers at school only made me more excited for the vacation.  When we finally touched down in Dallas, I called Mike to let him know we had arrived safely.  In course of the conversation, he casually remarks that I'll want to find a computer when I get to my aunt's house because we've received an email from a birthmom.  What a bombshell!  I find myself turning to the window and whispering urgently to be told more--trying hard not to be overheard by all the other passengers on board, including my mom.  Mike tells me he's in the middle of writing her back but really wants me to write her, too, which I will, of course.

In hopes of keeping a level head, I tell my mom about this but mention that, according to the email, we're not the only people she's contacting and that this doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that she'd like more information about us.  It was so hard to go through the expected greetings and socializing that someone should do when they visit someone they haven't seen in years.  I didn't feel I could walk in the door and demand a computer, so it wasn't until almost 11 that night that I finally read the email and responded.  I was so nervous!  Everything I wrote sounded ridiculous, but even when I rewrote it, it still sounded weird, so I finally just sent it.  

Katie, the birthmom, always wrote back really positive things.  She seemed excited to hear from us, and told us that even though she couldn't think of a lot of questions, she still enjoyed hearing from us.  It was hard to know what to say, but we just kept emailing her things about us every couple of days, and we'd hear back from pretty regularly, too.  

On April 15, we got a very exciting email from one of the caseworkers at LDS Family Services.  He'd received an email from Katie's caseworker asking to set up a getting to know you face-to-face meeting.  She let the caseworker know that Katie liked us a lot but wasn't ready to announce.  She just wanted to get to know us better.  He wanted to know what we thought.  Umm.....let us think about that for about a nanosecond.  YES!!!  Of course we would love to meet her and get to know her better.  We thought it would be a good idea for all of us.

As the anticipated day of Tuesday, April 27 and time of 6:30 approached, so did the nerves.  What would we talk about?  What if we had those dreaded awkward pauses?  What if she didn't like us?  What if we were so nervous we couldn't be ourselves?  Needless to say, many prayers were said before and during that meeting!  But we didn't even need to worry.  Katie and her mom were there, and they were both so incredibly easy to talk to.  We hardly needed Katie's caseworker, because the conversation just flowed from one topic and story to another.  I know Mike and I felt very comfortable with both of them, and it seemed to us that they felt the same.  Two and a half hours flew by, and finally Lisa, the caseworker, had to bring it to a close.

We felt so good and peaceful and happy after that meeting.  We tried not to let our feelings carry us way.  We tried to be what we called "cautiously optimistic," but it was really hard.  After that, we continued emailing Katie.  Then on May 2, Katie invited us to another face-to-face meeting so we could go out to dinner and then afterwards go to her mom's house and meet her stepdad and some of her brothers and sisters.  We so wanted to get our hopes up, but we forced ourselves to stay calm.  We were really hoping that this would be "the" meeting, but knew we would be devastated if it wasn't, so we stayed "cautiously optimistic."  That was our motto.

Wouldn't you know it, we fell behind schedule on May 8, the day of the meeting.  We may not have been completely legal in regards to following the speed limit, but the last thing we wanted was to arrive late!  Unfortunately, we did drive by the Copper Mill a good 15 minutes late, but we'd called, so Katie knew.  As we passed the restaurant, Katie called to say that she and her mom and stepdad were being seated, so we just needed to ask for their group.  We thought we'd be able to park, run up, and be right behind them.  Oh no.  EVERY PARKING SPACE IN THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT WAS FULL.  We circled 2 or 3 times.  It was very stressful.  We felt terrible for keeping everyone waiting.  Finally Mike just dropped me off while he continued to search.  It was so good to hear them admit to arriving late, too, and luckily, Mike was right behind me.  So it all turned out just fine.  Dinner was awesome, but I could hardly eat anything because of all the emotions I was feeling.  Again, the conversation just flowed.  Jake, her stepdad, was funny and relaxed, and Katie and her mom were just as easy to talk to as they were the first time.  It was fun to watch how the three of them interacted and see the close relationship they had with each other.

Finally the time came to go to her mom's house and meet the rest of the family.  We enjoyed brownies and ice cream as well as the company of her brothers, sister, and some of her extended family.  It felt like being with our own family.  There was a lot of joking and laughing and story telling.  When little kids finally went to bed and things settled down a bit, we knew it was almost time to leave.  Before that happened, though, Katie brought out some gifts that she'd gotten for us.  This is what she handed us first.

I especially admired it because making cute scrapbooking stuff is just not my thing.  I can't do it.  But it didn't stop there.  I opened it up, and this is what I saw.  

Unfortunately, Mike didn't get to see it because I shut it fast while asking, "Really?  Really?  Are you serious?"  Mike, knowing this must be big kept trying to see what it was as I kept opening it to look again and then shutting it in disbelief.  He finally did see it, though, and then neither of us knew what to do or say.  We hugged everyone that was there and just felt so overwhelmed.  I'm not even sure that we felt a specific emotion other than shock.  I mean, we'd been waiting for this day for over 7 years!  It was hard to take it all in that all that waiting and praying and hoping and being disappointed was finally over.  I know we didn't actually take it all in that night.  We probably haven't really taken it in even now.  Luckily Katie understood and she didn't expect screaming or crying or hysterics.  We just had huge smiles on our faces and felt an overwhelming gratitude that this was really happening.  Afterwards, she pulled out another gift.  Of course it can't compare with the first gift, but it was so beautiful and meaningful.

She worried that maybe someone else would give us another one, but we reassured her that even if we got another one, it would not be the same nor mean the same thing.  We wouldn't have that beautiful son the figures are holding if not for her.  After that, it was embarrassing to have her open our gift--a journal--but she opened it anyway and was nice enough to be grateful for it.  How will we ever repay her for the gift she's giving us?  We can't.  That's all there is to it.